So, season 3 of Gossip Girl premiered this week. The biggest scandal of the episode wasn’t Serena’s desperate cry for attention, Blair and Chuck’s twisted sexual game or Vanessa hooking up with Dan’s secret brother. Nope. It was the clear disdain, nay, hatred! that the wardrobe and hair/makeup departments unleashed on most of the female stars. Let’s take it frame by frame:

First up, Taylor Momsen. She’s 16, about 10-feet tall, blond and a model. How hard can it be to make her look good? Apparently, it’s pretty damn hard, so they stuck her with scraggly hair, too much makeup and crotch-eating hotpants with suspenders:

Next up we have Blake Lively. She’s 22, about 10-feet tall, blond…do you see a pattern here? She has the best hair in the world, not to mention a killer body. So, naturally, the best look for her would… also be hotpants. Instead of suspenders, however, these come in the form of a romper, topped with the world’s ugliest jacket. I know it’s kind of hard to see here, but you don’t have to take my word for it. Seriously, look!

And since she does have miles of amazing hair, what did the stylists do? A sexy blowout? Romantic curls? No. They shoved in about 30 bobby pins and called it a day:

Blake and Taylor aren’t just competing in the ugly shorts competition. Taylor rose to the occasion with her own bad hair, and then upped the ante with an insanely short dress (the better to flash you with! Also, you can’t tell in the pictures, but she was sporting a heinous updo with that polka-dot mess).

Next up we have unfortunate Jessica Szohr. Not only is her character boring and whiny, she has the worst. fake. hair. ever. Check it:

I know, right? Take a gander at the back; you can actually see the delineation between her real hair and extensions so bad they’re bordering on dreads:

C’mon, people! This is a show about Manhattan’s upper elite! These people are supposed to be millionaires! We watch this for the amazing fashion! What happened here?

The only possible explanation for this madness is that Leighton Meester paid off the gals in wardrobe, hair and makeup, because she spent the entire episode looking AWESOME. Seriously, a pink cloche:

She also pulled off a kick-ass brocade number while Blake Lively was forced to stroll alongside her wearing what appears to be a maternity dress:

No wonder she’s smiling.

Also. Thank God they didn’t mess with Chuck Bass. Cause Blair Waldorf will cut a bitch.