Sorry I haven’t been around for awhile, but it has been a crazy week. We’ve been redecorating, wrestling with the disaster that is Ikea, and there have been 2 bear capturings at nearby malls! For real. So between all this, plus my job, not only have I not had much time to write, I haven’t really done anything worth writing about. I read a couple of books (Leah Stewart’s Body of a Girl and Robert B. Parker’s Blue Screen) but those reviews will have to wait. I did do something interesting last weekend, though…

We were hanging out with some friends on Sunday, and they whipped out their DVD of R. Kelly’s Trapped in the Closet. Oh, lord, where to even begin with this? Essentially, this is the tale of Sylvester, Cathy, Rufus, Chuck, Gwendolyn, Tron, James, Bridget, and the midget (Big Man, because he’s so blessed in the pants). Kelly plays Sylvester, who cheats on Gwendolyn with Cathy, who’s cheating on Rufus, who’s sleeping with Chuck…well, you get the idea. And of course, this is narrated by Kelly, who is literally trapped in the closet. With a gun. Um…words fail me. Just watch this. And pay attention to the vocal inflection of Bridget, which is apparently Kelly’s impersonation of southern folks. Or, actually, it might just be his perception of how white people talk. Watch for inconsistent bleeping of the “F” word, random changes from first person to third (and back), and the most desperate rhyming I’ve ever encoutered. How does “dresser” rhyme with “baretta?” Or worse, how does “closet” rhyme with “closet?” It’s the same frickin’ word!

Oh, just go watch the thing. And remember that R. Kelly peed on a 14-year old girl. Wow.